Magical Wasteland is written by Matthew S. Burns.

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To Jane Doe, Electronic Entertainment Expo, 2012

Jane. That’s– gosh, Jane is a beautiful name. I mean it really is. Jane Doe? I feel like I’ve heard that name somewhere before. You’re not in movies, are you? You could be… I mean, look at you! You’re probably getting hit on just constantly here. Just constantly. This is for video games– did you know that? The show, I mean. It’s basically the biggest video game show of the year, right here. Yeah, so it’s like nerd central.

You’ve probably gotten a ton of those, like, overweight, adolescent boys just staring at you today. And taking photos and everything. I mean, with your body, and that outfit– they’re just staring at you, huh? They’re all, ooh, a girl. Ooh, a “booth babe”. You know these kids have probably never seen a girl, you know, up close. Not a hot one, anyway. I bet one of them couldn’t even come up and talk to you naturally. Like I’m doing to you right now. You know? Nerds. Haha.

Well, listen. Jane. I don’t know what your plans are for after the show’s over today. But, uh, me and my friends are headed to this really nice bar, in town. And you’re welcome to join us… no big deal, honestly, just me and three or four other guys, from DarkWizards Online. Dunno if you’ve heard of that– well I’m sure you haven’t– but it’s pretty big, in the, you know, game world. We’ve got close to a million subscribers, and we’re growing. We just got nominated for best F2P MMORPG by That doesn’t mean anything to you, haha. Well it’s, it’s, um, a pretty big deal. Thank you. We worked hard on it. Yeah. Well, look, I’ve got to run to an interview– press thing, you know, pimp the game, woo– look, I’ll come by later, okay? Yeah? Jane, Jane Doe. Yeah. See you around. Okay? Thanks. Thanks.

Reader Comments (1)

Your words are sticky with mildly uncomfortable truth. Well done.

June 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJames
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