And The More You Think About It, the Weirder It Gets

“You are the general, a smooth game-publishing machine. Budget? Check. Vertical Slice ready? Check. Marketing knows why your game matters? And how! You’re so smooth your developers refer to time before they worked with you as the “Dark Scary Time.” You were put here on this planet for the sole purpose of bringing high-quality video games to expectant gamers like a Next-Generation Digital Distribution Stork. Your games make Cert on time, every time. Don’t believe the hype, it’s selling you short. If this sounds like you, and you strive to provide a narrative experience rivaled only by Hollywood blockbuster movies, we want to hear from you.”

– One of the strangest job ads ever.

Comments

[Steve]

How did I know it would be 2K? Oh, right, because this is the text of the level designer ad I responded to:

"Love. It is a primal, uncultured energy, shaping you in ways that reason can't touch. Kind of a gushy, melodramatic word to paint on a NOW HIRING sign, right?

Sure - but for you, this is an emotional science. Games have changed you, and now you're just itching to return the favor. Maybe the raw potential of simulated experience fascinated you, or the rules and dynamics of play managed to reach into your skull and grab hold in ways that other media couldn't. However the mark was made, you've been a game designer ever since.

But all love has a price. Games make you a little crazy from time to time, because you know how much better they could be. We know how you feel. Come play with us."

[Matthew]

You know, I like that one much better, actually. It picks one tack and mostly sticks to it. It’s a little patronizing (You know how I feel, really? We’ve never even met!) but it’s at least unusual, and sounds like it could be someone’s honest feelings.

The producer one just confounds me. What’s with all the emphasis on being “smooth”? Why are they telling prospective job applicants the hype sells them short– what hype? What kind of terrible story is “rivaled only by Hollywood blockbuster movies”? Am I really supposed to be excited about the possibility of resembling “a Next-Generation Digital Distribution Stork”?

I’m over-analyzing, I know.

[sean]

Wow, that's a big red flag for the whole rest of the team.

[Andrew]

Very poetic and funny, and makes not a lick of sense. As if anyone thinks Hollywood blockbuster movies have a good narrative! (nevermind the other nonsense).

[mclaren]

You really have to wonder why companies place crazy ads like this. It's immediately obvious that there is no such human being on earth as the job applicant 2K seeks, and there never has been.

So anyone who responds to that ad is going to be either a charlatan, or demented. Why do companies set themselves up for this? And why do people even bother to respond to nutty job ads like that?

[Dean...]

I'm surprised they didn't mention Mountain Dew in the water coolers, 100-lb bags of Funyuns every week, and enough double-sided 3M tape to stick plastic figurines on every square inch of your cube.

[benkay]

have you people never met a real Producer? they're utter fucking psychopaths, and that ad is going to reel in someone impressive. 2k knows how to write job ads and y'all just jealous.