If he works for an enthusiast magazine, he is uncomfortably aware of his relationship with the big publishers, who expect him to rubber-stamp their titles in exchange for the advertising dollars that keep his publication afloat. They bargain with him: exclusive information on an upcoming title in exchange for getting the cover story, or for a promise of a favorable review when the game ships. They invite him on press junkets and to parties, give him gifts, and treat him as if he is important. But both sides know deep down that he isn’t really: that if one day he ever got fed up with the faint pall of dishonesty that these practices exude, he could simply be replaced.

He believes he understands what makes games worth playing, but he knows that most people won’t listen to him. Even those reading the article usually just skip to the disingenuously scientific score. Did the game get an eighty-three, or an eighty-four? What’s the difference? Consumers don’t care, they’ll buy poorly reviewed, well-marketed games anyway. Publishers take his numeric score and average it with dozens of others, put it into a spreadsheet and largely ignore the rest. Developers look down on him and secretly suspect he was someone who didn’t have the mental capacity to get into development himself. They’ll make fun of his review, pointing out the huge, obvious things in their game that he totally missed. They’ll snicker at his misuse of technical terminology.

He might be handed a game with fifty hours of gameplay and be told to complete his review by tomorrow morning. He isn’t able to write at his own level because his boss told him to dumb down the language for the publication’s intended audience. If he wants to incorporate references to anything having to do with culture into his review, readers scold him for taking on pretentious airs. If his work is printed in the newspaper it goes in the Technology section, not Arts. If it’s published online, his opinions are shouted down by a chorus of illiterate children. He might strike out on his own and start a web site where he can be true to himself– then, everyone stops paying attention to him.

Woe is the professional game critic! Nobody takes him seriously.